How Power Dynamics Trap Us in Narcissistic Workplaces
What happens when the one holding power also holds the power to harm?
You might think it would be obvious. That when someone misuses their position — to humiliate, to manipulate, to erode — that people would rise up, speak out, walk away. But…
What if the person being harmed is you?
And what if something deep inside—something far older than the job—whispers that it’s safer to stay?
Power as a Wall, Not a Ladder
We are taught that power raises us up. But to the narcissist, it's a wall — silent, menacing, and impenetrable.
Under narcissistic leadership, power is not used to serve or lead — it's used to overrule. To exploit. To maintain the image regardless. Narcissists don't feel safe unless they're above (Campbell & Miller, 2011). And above requires someone below.
So they choose you…
Not because you’re weak…
But because you’re strong enough to question them.
And kind enough to doubt yourself first.
The Shame Beneath the Silence
Why do people stay?
Because narcissistic abuse doesn’t begin at work — it often begins in childhood.
Children who are raised by emotionally immature or narcissistic parents learn that dependence is dangerous. That to need help is shameful. That independence is loved, but vulnerability is punished (Helier, 2019).
So you learn to overfunction — get things done, perform, survive.
And when you meet a narcissist at work? Something familiar happens.
You don't want to seem "too sensitive," so you don't speak up.
You don't want to appear "needy," so you stock up.
You don't want to be a troublemaker, so you subtly disintegrate.
This is not a failure. This is a survival pattern.
And it's time to see it for what it is.
The Invisible Bind: The Narcissist's Script
Narcissists have power not only by title, but by narrative.
They make reality happen in the moment — they play the part of the misunderstood genius, the self-righteous critic, the benevolent leader. And if you challenge that?
You're the problem.
It's a system of implied consequences:
- "Don't complain — you'll sound weak."
- "Don't escalate — it will come back on you."
- "Don't leave — you'll ruin your reputation."
Every fear is subtly implanted, but it accumulates rapidly in the mind of someone who's already learned to put others at ease at the expense of their own needs.
Why the Strongest Often Stay the Longest
There's a paradox here.
Narcissists typically target star performers — committed, self-motivated types who wish to produce good work. Why?
Because empathy is something that can be manipulated for them (Ramani, 2021).
Because your desire to fix, to improve, to understand, keeps you informed.
It is what creates the trauma bond at work. Intermittent reward from the narcissist triggers a reward circuit in the brain — the same kind seen in emotionally abusive dating relationships (Carnes, 2010). The high temporarily masks the chronic harm.
And the higher the stakes — financially, socially, professionally — the harder it is to leave.
The Policies That Enable Narcissists
Even family systems within organisations can mirror narcissistic family systems.
Policies that prioritise productivity over well-being… that "resolve" complaints by pushing victims aside instead of holding abusers accountable… such systems subtly maintain narcissistic power structures (Goleman, 1995).
And just as in a dysfunctional family, the complainer is typically defined as the "issue."
Not because they're incorrect. But because they challenge the fantasy.
So the narcissist is secure. And the target is alone — or gone.
But what if you didn't need to play that script anymore?
What if you could begin writing your own script?
A Way Forward: Taking Back Power Without Confrontation
You don't have to battle the narcissist. You don't have to transform them.
You just have to see the dynamic. And begin… quietly, relentlessly, to move beyond it.
That starts by assigning the pattern a name.
And then by grounding on this truth:
My value is not established by the amount I can endure.
References
- Campbell, W. K., & Miller, J. D. (2011). The Handbook of Narcissism and Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Wiley.
- Carnes, P. (2010). The Betrayal Bond: Breaking Free from Exploitative Relationships. Health Communications.
- Goleman, D. (1995). Emotional Intelligence. Bantam Books.
- Helier, L. G. (2019). Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents. New Harbinger Publications.
- Ramani, D. (2021). Don't You Know Who I Am? How to Stay Sane in an Era of Narcissism. Post Hill Press.